I'm Not Her
by Paige72890
Summary: Kathy’s P.O.V., Kathy thinks about the impact that Olivia has on Elliot’s life. EO(sort of)


**SUMMARY:** Kathy's P.O.V., Kathy thinks about the impact that Olivia has on Elliot's life.

**A.N.- **I have only been watching SVU for about a month and there are some things that I don't know like the name of the of Elliot's old partner so bare with me here on some of the things.

**DISCLAIMER-**I don't own Law and Order: SVU, if I did Elliot would be all mine.

When I first found out Elliot was getting a new partner, a woman partner at that, I admit I was a little jealous. His last partner was a man, Michael Madison, and he was a good man. I knew him well, and he was a good friend of ours. Elliot started carrying a huge weight on his shoulders right after he got his new partner. He wasn't able to talk to her at first like he did with Michael. Then one day he just came home one day and he look relived, like he had just had that huge weight lifted off his shoulders. I knew he had decided it was okay to talk to her, and that he could trust her.

Then he started getting close to her. He could talk to her like he couldn't talk with me. She was becoming his best friend and that was supposed to be my job. I was his wife and I was supposed to be his best friend. He was staying long hours at work with this woman that I knew little about, and a woman that was his best friend.

I always imagined, Olivia Benson as a frumpy woman. I always pictured her with black-rimmed coke bottle glasses, short brittle brown hair, and a woman who wore way to big clothes. A woman who was short and slightly over weight. I was definitely wrong when it came to the way Olivia Benson looked.

I first met her when I went down to the precinct to visit Elliot. I wanted to see if he wanted to have lunch with me. I also wanted to see this woman my husband was spending all of his work time with. This frumpy short slightly over weight woman that was my husband's best friend. Well I got a large surprise when I walked into the precinct, and I saw him with a tall exotic looking woman with short silky brown hair. She was a curvy gorgeous woman. He was talking and making jokes with this woman, they looked like they were working on something important. I prayed this woman was not Olivia Benson. I prayed this was not the frumpy woman I imagined, the woman with short brittle brown hair, the slightly over weight woman I imagined. Elliot finally noticed me standing in the doorway staring at this woman. He got up from his chair, walked towards me, and gave me a hug.

"Hey honey, what are you doing here?" He asked

"Well I was wondering if you could get away and come eat lunch with me."

"Kath I'm sorry, we just got a big case and I cant get out. I don't know if I will be home before midnight."

"You can't get away for just a half hour?" She asked with pleading in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I really wish I could. Olivia and I have a really big workload. You know if I could get away I would."

"Okay, I guess I will see you later." Just as she was about to leave, the tall woman walked over to Elliot and said that they just had another vic.

"Olivia I want you to meet my wife Kathy. Kathy this is Olivia, my partner." That was the first time I ever met Olivia and it certainly was not the last.

Almost five years later Olivia was still my husband's partner. The only differences were that he had fallen out of love with me and in love with her. He just was to blind to realize what had happened. We were living in a broken marriage and the only thing keeping us together was our children, and the comfortable routine we had.

Everyday I tried to deny that he didn't love me. That he hadn't fallen out of love with me. That I was still his wife and he loved me like a husband should love his wife. Through all of this denial I was finally awoken from it. It was around two a.m. when I got the call from him.

Elliot was on the other end, and he was hysterical. His voice was thick with tears. He had been crying. I immediately thought the worst. Had something happened to one of the kids, was he in the hospital hurt, did someone in his family die. Never once in all of the insane thoughts that flew through my head did I think of Olivia.

Once I had clamed down a small bit I asked him what was the matter. The only answer I got was a name. A name of the person that had stolen my husband away. A woman who didn't even know what she had done but I resented her for it. "Olivia," was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. He was trying to compose himself and it obviously was not working. He stayed silent for a while, and then he started to talk again,

"Olivia was shot in the field today." He said, his voice was still thick with tears. "I'm going to stay here with her tonight, I just wanted to call you and tell you where I will be for the night." I could only muster a weak okay in response.

Elliot came home late the next night, and telling him he looked like hell would be an understatement. She could smell the alcohol on his breath and clothes. He looked tired and his clothes were rumpled. I know he didn't need me prodding trying to find out what happened but I just had to ask,

"Elliot, what the hell happened?" Tears were brimming in his already red-rimmed eyes. He looked up at her again and started to tell her what happened.

"Olivia and I were out on the field, we were sent to investigate the body of a rape victim. It all happed so fast I didn't even realize it happened. I mean one minute we were going to investigate the body, when a man started shooting at all of the cops in the area. I guess he was the perp. I got out my gun and started shooting back at him. When the perp was finally brought down I noticed Olivia was not standing beside me anymore. I looked around and saw her bleeding on the ground. She had a gun shot wound to the chest. The ambulance came a couple of minutes later. I remember picking her up and crying, begging her not to close her eyes, not to fall asleep. They took her away from me and put her in the ambulance. I barely remember getting to the hospital. When I got there they already had her in surgery. She had just gotten out of surgery when I called you. She didn't wake up all night, but this morning she woke up around noon. She was only awake for a short amount of time, enough time for her to give my hand a small squeeze, and just before she flat-lined she told me she loved me. They didn't even try. They said that it would be no use. If she did wake up she would most definitely go into a coma and not wake up. She was pronounced dead not five minutes after she flat-lined. She died right in front of my eyes, and I couldn't do anything about it. Olivia, my partner, my best friend, died in front of me, and I didn't do a thing about it. She was my partner, I was supposed to have her back, make sure nothing happened to her. She didn't deserve to die like that. She didn't deserve to die at all. It's not fair."

I think a part of Elliot died that day. After she died he buried himself in his work. Going to the funeral was the hardest for him. Just seeing her lying in the casket sent him into a new wave of tears. The kids and I tried our best to comfort him but he was distant all the time. I think the only reason he came home was to see the kids, they stopped him from doing anything drastic.

He now keeps some of her things in our house. Some of her things by his side of the bed. When he had to clean off her desk he kept some of thing. He also has a picture of her on his side. Seeing that picture in our room drives me crazy. Seeing her smiling face knowing the only thing that keeps him from doing some thing stupid is knowing that she would have not wanted him to do whatever stupid thing he wanted to do. He keeps some of her that she loved the most in our closet in a shoebox. Her badge is in that shoebox.

A few months after her death he still shows no signs of recovering from her death anytime soon, I decide I cant live in a marriage like this anymore. Knowing that he is in love with a dead woman. The woman is dead and I still can't compete with her. I filed for divorce not even six months after her death. He didn't even look sad or angry when I gave him the papers. He just stared blankly ahead. He did ask me why though and all I said was, "I'm not her."

I'm not Olivia and I couldn't even compete now that she was dead. I couldn't even compete when she was alive. My husband lost the woman he loved, and that wasn't me. I'm not her, and I didn't want to be even if it meant that he would love me again. In his heart no one could ever be her. Like I told him 'I'm not her' and I didn't want to be.

THE END 

Hey guys this was my first SVU story I hope you liked it. I'm sorry if the end was not that good. Please tell me what you think. Tell me if you think that I should just stop with SVU all together. So please review. 


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